We all love the “newness” of a relationship when you're mesmerized by each other and you crave each others' company. But what happens when that fades. And then we get upset when we do not “live happily ever after” ourselves. In fiction the development of their relationship, the actual nitty-gritty of life, is left. And you might find yourself wondering, "How long does the Some say the honeymoon phase is the best part of a relationship, others argue.
After The “Thrill”: What Really Makes A Lasting Relationship | MadameNoire
The feeling of having your emotions intertwined with someone new whom you find yourself to be compatible with is euphoric and exhilarating. You see your partner through rose-colored sunglasses and they can do no wrong.
What happens when the fairy tale fades and real life kicks in?
What happens when the thrill of conquering something new is no longer present? Well, one of two things can happen. The couple either loves one another through their best as well as their worst or they decide that the relationship is not worth it and they part ways. The reality of a relationship is that it is something that two people must work at if they want it to thrive and flourish.
They feel like two peas in a pod and are perfectly suited for each other.Why We Go Cold On Our Partners
Infatuation in spite of its intensity is superficial. When infatuation has served its purpose and we wake up one morning without our body a-quivering and those besotted thoughts about our LOVE, then the ending of infatuation is actually a self-defence mechanism kicking in to bring us back to reality.
Staying infatuated will otherwise lead to emotional burnout. This infatuation phase is the time for a bond to develop which should be strong enough to keep the couple together as they enter the subsequent relationship phases when their love deepens, blossoms and matures. Love can do that.
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- Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship
Infatuation cannot, it has the passion, but lacks the maturity and depth needed to tackle the realities of life. Infatuation is energy sapping in the long run.
Love is revitalising and energising and is long lasting; Love endures. Infatuation is the noun derived from the verb to infatuate, which means: Fatuus means foolish, idiotic or silly.
After The “Thrill” Is Gone: What Really Makes A Lasting Relationship….
How long does infatuation last? What turns our heart-racing enthusiasm for another person to boredom and dissatisfaction? In a sense, my marriage solved my problem: This bond is formed when sincere feelings of love, respect, and attraction are replaced with imaginings of security, connectedness and protection. Though these may all seem like positive attributes of an intimate relationship, placing a priority on form over substance is a key destroyer of any close relationship.
People who engage in a fantasy bond value routine over spontaneity and safety over passion. They go through the motions of being together or involved but without bringing the energy, independence, and affection that once colored their relationship.
The risk in fusing our identity with another person is that we often lose the respect and attraction we once held for that person. We also stand to lose ourselves in the relationship, rather than maintaining the unique qualities that gave us confidence and drew our partners to us in the first place. When couples lose these real feelings for each other, rather than challenging destructive patterns in their relating, they tend to either throw away the relationship or sink deeper into fantasy for fear of losing each other or being alone.
Stage 1: Infatuation | 7 Stages of a Healthy Relationship
The good news is these feelings of excitement can be restored. Fantasy bonds exist on a continuum. Some couples are deeper into fantasy than others.
Most people fluctuate between moments of being truly close and moments of substituting fantasy for real love. By recognizing the degree to which you engage in a fantasy connection as opposed to a sincere form of relating, you can challenge negative habits and patterns, and experience new and exciting stages of your relationship. On March 20, I will be hosting a CE Webinar on The Fantasy Bond, which will present a model for an ideal relationship that combines emotional closeness and sexual intimacy, while each partner maintains a differentiated and individuated sense of self.
In the meantime, here are a few key ways to identify if you are in a fantasy bond and how you and your partner can go about changing it.
Loss of Physical Attraction — When we form a fantasy of fusion with another person, we tend to eventually lose some of our physical attraction to that person. Relying on someone to take care of us or looking to them to complete us puts a heavy burden on our relationship.
When we view our partners as the independent and attractive individuals they are, we can keep a fresh level of excitement and affection for them.