Differences, incompatibilities and marriage success
6 Ways to Manage the Differences in Your Relationship Besides, do you really want to be married to yourself, with all of your flaws and. Differences of opinion and interests can enrich a relationship. People bring different perspectives, talents and strengths to a relationship. You might appreciate. D., a Chicago-based licensed clinical psychologist, marriage and family In a toxic relationship: A minor difference of opinion often turns into a.
Give them the information they need rather than expecting them to know it all. The more that remains unspoken, the greater the risk for problems. Most problems, big and small, within a relationship start with broken communication. Try to put yourself in their shoes. So turn your body towards them, look them in the eyes, turn off the computer, and put away your phone.
Me and my partner have very different values
They let each other save face. This is possible when you realize that your partner behaves in such ways because they are in a place of momentary suffering. They react to their own thoughts and feelings and their behavior often has nothing directly to do with you.
At some point we all inevitably have unreasonable mood swings. We all have bad days. Do your best to let your partner preserve their dignity. Give them space, let the emotions settle, and then have a rational conversation using the positive communication tactics discussed above in point 2.
They are willing to make sacrifices for each other. The happiest intimate bonds are tied with true love, and true love involves attention, awareness, discipline, effort and being able to care about someone and sacrifice for them, continuously, in countless petty, little, unsexy ways every day. And of course they do the same for you.
You are worth it. I am happy you are in my life. By fighting over these deep-seated differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and running their relationship into the ground. They accept one another as is.
These couples understand that problems are an inevitable part of any long-term relationship, in the same way chronic physical difficulties are inevitable as we grow older and wiser. Psychologist Dan Wile said it best in his book After the Honeymoon: The foundation of love is to let those we care about be unapologetically themselves, and to not distort them to fit our own egotistical ideas of who they should be.
Otherwise we fall in love only with our own fantasies, and thus miss out entirely on their true beauty. So save your relationship from needless stress. Instead of trying to change your partner, give them your support and grow together, as individuals. The floor is yours… Which point resonated the most with you?
Differences aren't so conflictual in the early stages of relationships, so couples don't pay that much attention to them. Couples focus on similarities, as they are absorbed in getting to know each other. They may be very excited and enthralled by some of their differences, as well as their commonalities.
As relationships progress, similarities become more familiar and less novel. When the couple moves into practical relationship tasks like advancing their careers, starting and raising a family, and managing finances, differences become more apparent and prominent.
Resolving Differences - For Your Marriage
Sex, finances, and chores are the most common focal areas of conflict, although more important differences often lie elsewhere. Couples with more differences have different styles of marriage than couples that are more similar in outlook. But they can be just as happy or even happier. Couples who have a successful 'volatile' relationship style can tolerate more areas of difference. Their conflicts just seem to offer more opportunity to kiss and make up. At the other end of the spectrum are successful 'avoidant' couples.
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It's not as bad as it sounds. They know what areas of steer clear of with their partner and accept this arrangement.MY GRANDMA'S OPINION ON OUR AGE GAP MARRIAGE.
But avoidance only works well when differences aren't too critical and there are large areas of common ground. What's important is not so much the degree or type of difference. It's how couples manage their areas of difference and incompatibility, and whether their relationship style is appropriate for the degree and type of differences and similarities that they have. It's especially important that they take advantage of their areas of similarity to maintain a positive emotional tone.
Couples must avoid becoming stuck in trying to convert their partner to adopt their viewpoint. If couples allow differences to disrupt the sense of mutuality in a relationship or lead to disinvestments or lives that are too separate, that's big trouble. When couples split up, they often attribute it to overwhelming incompatibility. But they become overwhelmed by their differences, not just because they have them, but because they never learned to manage them constructively.
Many couples are blindsided by their differences as their relationship advances beyond the more exclusively romantic early stages, because they never systematically explored their expectations and differences and adopted strategies to accommodate them. Couples who understand, prepare and plan for their areas of incompatibility are less disconcerted and generally fare better. They have more realistic expectations and know what they are signing on for. In the long run, the challenge of difference will be an impetus to growth in both partners.
Learning to support and validate yourself independently will help you to manage more successfully to your relationship's areas of difference and incompatibility, especially when these lead to conflict.
Of course, we all rely on our partner for emotional support. It's one of the best things about being in a relationship.