Warning Signs of Abuse: Name Calling | Break the Cycle
These are the warning signs of a verbally abusive relationship and some In an abusive relationship, name-calling is something that this . This will keep you from focusing on the pain and help you find yourself again. Many couples spend too much time looking for advice on how to save a relationship when the answer is simple: stop the name calling. Verbal. How To Stop Name Calling In Marriage: Husband Calling Wife NamesIt is your life/marriage and if you want to work to save your relationship, you are going to.
Daniel Jay Sonkin, Ph. Sincehis work has focused Read More Recently a client told me that his wife frequently calls him an idiot. Another person told me that her partner routinely refers to her as a bitch.
At the same time they all felt a sense of hopelessness that they can do anything to change it. With all the important focus on physical and sexual abuse of children and adults, are we losing sight of a more common problem, emotional abuse?
Last year, psychiatrist and psychologist Martin Teicher, of Mclean Hospital at Harvard Medical School, published an exciting article on the effects of childhood peer verbal abuse by peers on the mental health of young people.
How to Save Your Relationship: Stop the Name Calling – Mad About Marriage
Teicher and his colleagues found verbal abuse by peers resulted in depression, anxiety, anger and hostility and dissociation. They found that when this abuse happens during middle school, the effects are particularly strong. They took a subset of the their subjects and wanted to see if there was any brain damage or changes that might be caused by the verbal abuse. They took brain scans on these individuals and what they found was very significant. The people exposed to verbal abuse, had damage to a part of the brain that has in other studies found to be damaged as a result of sexual and physical abuse.
The subjects for this study were eliminated if they had a history of physical or sexual abuse. Only those who were verbally abused by peers were allowed to participate in the study.
The researchers concluded that the effects on the brain they documented were from the verbal abuse they experienced. There is much research that indicates that verbal abuse in intimate relationships can also lead to depression, anxiety and decreased marital satisfaction. Marco Iacoboni, author of Mirroring People, writes about how our brain is wired to communicate with other brains. The closer and longer the relationship, the stronger the neural connection is between couples.
However the opposite may also be true.
Sticks and Stones will Break My Bones: Name-calling in Intimate Relationships
If we get caught in negative cycles of communication with a partner, we will be supporting those pathways as well. You somehow always find yourself in the wrong. This is extremely difficult to see when you are in the heart of it because over time you begin to feel that you are actually the one in the wrong. You are the only one apologizing. If you often find yourself trying to fix the relationship, beating yourself up over fights, and apologizing, these are the signs of a verbally abusive relationship.
This person nit-picks at little or big parts of your personality. These may seem little, and at first you will brush them off because you feel like the person could be right and trying to help.
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But a person that nit-picks at who you are, tells you all the things wrong with who you are, and demands for you to change is a verbally abusive person. Your past is brought up continually—actions, events, mistakes—and often this person becomes angry over them again and again. This is so very difficult, especially if this person brings up something that you legitimately did wrong in the past.
NAME CALLING HURTS BUT ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT
However, the past is the past. Especially if you have apologized and done what you could to fix the problem. In a verbally abusive relationship, this person continually brings up these events and becomes angry about them. This is not only unhealthy, but leaves you feeling powerless to move forward. You need to know this: This person makes comments about your worth.
These words can destroy your confidence, self-worth, and happiness. Do not take this to heart. You are in an abusive relationship if the person you are with finds things wrong or talks bad about the people in your life.
It is normal for people to not always get along, but you are in an unhealthy relationship if the person continually breaks down the people close to you, isolates you from them, makes you feel guilty for spending time with them, or makes fun of them. You are continually told you are not trusted or that you are a shady person.
NAME CALLING HURTS BUT ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT
Sadly, this person is trying to make you feel guilty, and again, manipulating you so that you feel like you are the one in the wrong. This person holds grudges and you are hardly ever or never forgiven. Relationships are difficult, but you are in an abusive one if the person holds grudges towards you, hangs things over your head, and withholds forgiveness.
You will make mistakes everyone will make mistakes but if you are continually told you are not forgiven or that your mistake is unforgivable, you need to get out of the relationship. This is what you need to know: First of all, this is not your fault.
Whatever pain you may or may not have caused in the past does not warrant verbal abuse. People make mistakes and if the person you are in a relationship with cannot forgive you for those mistakes, you need to be apart.
Second of all, this person might love you, but you cannot subject yourself to pain in the name of love. The hard thing about verbally abusive relationships is that the relationships do not always have the physical violence that marks them as obviously abusive. The pain is under the surface, but equally harmful. You need to know that you are worth more. This is how you save yourself: Be honest with yourself about what is happening.