10 Ways to Create a Strong, Intimate Relationship
The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy. So then, how do we make relationships work & stay happy?. It takes more than love to have a great relationship. In order to keep your relationship strong and healthy, you have to work on it. What makes for a healthy romantic relationship differs from couple to couple.
Just enjoy the journey. Remember that you and your partner are still living separate lives. You are not yet completely intertwined, unlike people who are married or living together as committed partners.
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Live your life and allow your partner to do the same. This is a way of building mutual respect, which is important for a lasting relationship. Don't talk about meeting the parents, marriage, or babies too early.
You may already envision this beautiful woman by your side for the rest of your life. You may have decided this amazing new guy will make the sweetest babies with you. But whatever you do, don't talk about it! At least not in the early stages of the relationship when you are just getting to know one another. You can sabotage a relationship unnecessarily by trying to rush some of these pivotal moments before the time is ripe. People in new relationships still have a tendency to check out other people, even if it's just out of habit.
If you see your boyfriend or girlfriend admiring someone else, let it go. Don't get wrapped up in jealousy and push your new partner away. Also, try not to intentionally make your new partner jealous in order to manipulate the relationship. This is an immature tactic that is sure to backfire.
Things that come quickly and easily can go away just as quickly and easily. Take the time to build a solid foundation in your relationship without pressuring one another. There is no rush. However, if you've been together for a year or more, and you don't see any progression in the relationship, then it may be time for an honest discussion about where the relationship is headed. Make friends with your partner's friends. These are the people that your partner chose to be associated with and chooses to spend his or her time with.
Knowing the people that your partner spends the most time with will give you more insight into your partner. Relationship Advice for Married Couples Use your communication skills to ask instead.
While you may think you know what your partner wants, you can't read his or her mind. When in doubt, always ask. Even when you're not in doubt, it never hurts to ask. By the same token, never assume your partner can read your mind or intuit your needs. It's up to both of you to have regular conversations and share your feelings, needs, and desires. Don't stop saying I love you and thank you. You may let your manners slip after years of being together, but it is important to continue to show your love and appreciation for your spouse.
These simple words are signs of respect. They help your partner see that you are not taking them or their contribution to your lives for granted.
Don't stop falling in love. You may fall in and out of love with your spouse over the course of your life together. During those times when the bloom is off the rose, you can take action to rekindle your love. Remember to continue to grow with each other, do fun things together, and discover new qualities about your partner to fall in love with.
Think back to the early days of your courtship, and recreate some of those memories that made you both so happy. Instead of accusing your spouse of something, inquire about their perspective. If you don't rush to judgment or anger, you will be able to avoid conflict over insignificant matters.
Pointing the finger of blame and putting your partner down is one of the most divisive, destructive things you can do in your marriage. Don't vent your frustrations about your spouse to other people. Keep these things inside of your marriage.
This is especially true if your issues are small like forgetting to do the dishes or never putting clothes away. Putting your partner in a bad light for other people will leave a lasting impression that you don't respect the privacy of your relationship. Talk together about what your love languages are and how you want your partner to show love to you.
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Gottman's love language quiz to find out your own love language preferences. There is no winner or loser in your relationship.
You and your partner have the same goal — to live a happy life together. If one of you does a chore two days in a row, it isn't something to throw in your partner's face. You don't need to remind him or her that you always make the bed. Sure, there may be times when one person is doing more than the other, but in the long run, it will all even out. Practice cherishing your spouse. You've heard the words and maybe even spoken them in traditional wedding vows: You view your partner as the most special person in the world.
Do things for your spouse to show that you cherish him or her. Whether it's filling up her car with gas or treating him to a back rub, there are so many ways to treasure the one you love. Remember that everything will pass. The good times will pass and the bad times will pass. You will go through a lifetime of stages with your partner — with many ups and downs.
You have to remember that few things in life are permanent, and it is the journey that you and your spouse are going through that is important.
10 Simple Ways to Grow a Relationship
Don't get too wrapped up in small problems or difficulties. Don't assume your marriage is in trouble when things aren't perfect. Remember that around the corner is a new day with your spouse. Don't give the silent treatment. When you get mad at your spouse, do you give him or her the silent treatment? You may need to take a break for a few hours, but allowing feelings to bottle up inside of you is just making things worse.
If something is making you angry, communicate your feelings with your spouse and talk it through. Chances are, it was a misunderstanding or an incorrect assumption that can be easily corrected. But going silent and trying to suppress your emotions will only make your negative feelings stronger. You will not always want to do what your partner wants to do.
You may end up having a big disagreement about a financial decision or your childrearing plan. The important thing to remember is that few decisions are black and white, and you will both need to negotiate and compromise from time to time. You can reach an agreement where you are both reasonably satisfied with the outcome, and no one is completely giving in or giving up their values. When negotiating a compromise, try to do what is best for the two of you as a couple, not what is best for either one of you individually.
Advice for Couples with Relationship Problems Get comfortable before negotiating. Studies have actually shown that when people sit on a hard surface, they are less likely to be flexible in their thinking. However, when people sit on a soft, cushioned surface, they tend to be more accommodating. These feelings of accommodation can lead to a smooth resolution for marital disagreements. The setting is important when you have to work through conflict or serious issues.
Choose a neutral location that is peaceful and conducive to resolution. Sharing one's thoughts and feelings openly and honestly without blaming or shaming can help partners become closer on an emotional level. An adult time-out is an important skill to employ during heated moments to allow each partner to cool down. Make a mutual decision to take a break if an argument is getting too out of hand. This may be five minutes or an hour. No matter how long you think you need to cool down, communicate that with your partner and walk away so you can clear your head before returning to the conversation.
This may not be something you want to do while having a serious conversation with someone you're angry with. However, physical touch releases oxytocin in the brain, which is a hormone that helps people feel pleasure.
Holding hands while you work through the issues may help decrease feelings of anger and reduce the chances of a serious conversation turning into a screaming match.
Be mindful of timing for serious discussions. Rushing through a serious conversation or trying to work through conflict while distracted with chores will probably not end well. Yes, I was disappointed to realize that the knight riding through the night to save the damsel in distress is a fallacy. We all saw Romeo and Juliet and Titanic. Why stories like these make our hearts sing is that the love is unrequited.
Unavailability fuels the romantic expression. This kind of romantic story can only work when there is an absence of the lover. Sometimes, they have to die in the end in order for their love to fit into this romantic view. Or, we eat handfuls of popcorn, waiting to see if they live happily ever after, and we rarely find out if they really do.
The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy.Tony Robbins - how To Create a Strong intimate Relationship and Improve your Love Life
So then, how do we make relationships work and stay happy? We begin with the understanding of what pure love is, and then redefine and update the romantic fairytale into a healthier type of love.
10 Simple Ways to Grow a Relationship
Here are 10 ways to create true intimacy, find pure love, and be truly happy in your relationship: Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within. See your partner for who he or she really is. The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them.
Be willing to learn from each other. The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.
Get comfortable being alone. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.
Look closely at why a fight may begin. Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. Own who you are. True love only exists by loving yourself first.