All couples run into relationship issues. recommends consulting a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues. Relationships, I find, are more scary for men than for women because of the let me first address the question of whether men are more afraid of relationships. But by the time you're in a serious relationship, there are certain subjects you relationship, there are certain subjects you absolutely must discuss if you think you guys work out sexually) can make or break a relationship.
Others will not and will continue to defend their position with sarcasm, name calling and high-fiving each other.
Sounds like a lot of fun. Won't get you very far. Certainly, won't appeal to women, guys!!! The guidelines for being a good listener are not just for men. Good communication and good listening are also part of negotiating in business, as well. And, of course, rationality and problem-solving are also important.
The 5 Biggest Relationship Issues for Men | HuffPost
It's ironic that some people might think that I don't care about rationality and problem-solving. After all, I am a "cognitive therapist"! If you want to get a sense of the irrational way that we can think about our relationships, check out my post, " The 12 Worst Relationship Mindsets. You can be more rational about your irrational thinking. Having made these observations, though, it's also important that when you are communicating to your partner -- and you want him or her to listen -- and respect you, then you should consider how you say what you say.
Communication and listening is a two-way street. So how can you communicate better?
7 Tips For Discussing Relationship Problems Without Creating Drama
Pick the Right Time Sometimes you think you need to be heard the minute you have a thought or feeling. But your partner might be wrapped up in something else at the moment -- the game, fixing dinner, trying to go to sleep, working on something, or just not in the right mood right now.
Use your experience to tell you what is definitely not the right time -- for example, "big process discussions" are seldom helpful right before bed -- or the minute your partner walks in the door.
If you start talking -- and he or she isn't listening -- then ask, "Is there a better time to talk? Don't use sarcasm or stonewalling. Edit it Down Many times you start talking and you just get carried away. Your partner is losing interest, drifting off, his third eyeball is rolling into his cortex.
Nothing is getting through. Maybe you need to edit what you say. Try to limit your comments to relatively clear and short sentences.
- More From Thought Catalog
- How Our Helpline Works
- MORE IN Wellness
Pause, ask for feedback, wait for your partner. Don't get on a soap-box and hold the floor. Make it more give and take. Think about what is essential and try to focus on that. One way of editing it down is to agree with your partner that there might be a reasonable period to spend on the topic -- for example, "Can we spend about 10 minutes talking about this?
Pause and Ask for Feedback Sometimes as a speaker you will go on and on, without pausing. Perhaps you think that you need to stay on your topic so that everything is heard -- or you fear that your partner will jump in and take the floor and you won't ever get a chance to speak again.
Slow it down, edit it down, and stop and ask for feedback. Make the communication two-way.
If you feel your partner hasn't really heard what you are saying, then try asking, "Can you rephrase what I said? Don't Catastrophize Sometimes we think that the only way to get heard is to make everything sound awful. Sometimes that's a legitimate point of view, but if you make too many things sound awful you will lose your credibility.
Sandy felt like she could never get Jim to sit down and talk through a problem with her. Whenever she disagreed with him, he would run away from conversations. Heaven forbid that she would ever want to talk about their relationship! Ellen grew up in a home where there was a lot of fighting. Any time that Bill raised his voice, or she thought he raised his voice, she would cry and become very upset. Bill was really frustrated because he thought that they were never able to get through any discussions and reach decisions.
While fighting is usually not good, NEVER talking things through and resolving differences is also unhealthy for relationships. Men are more likely then women to run away from conflict; however, many women also become flooded with conflict and are prone to struggle with how to remain in difficult conversations in calm and productive ways. Still others might agree in the moment but then act in just the opposite way. Learning how to communicate well with our partner is always a huge issue because we can sometimes seem to be on a different wavelength.
We have a hard time being completely honest about things sometimes, and this goes for our feelings and our life goals. Sometimes it is because we don't feel like we can share and still be viewed in the same way.
Other times, our ego gets in the way. There can be a lot of pressure to 'be a man' sometimes and that creates issues with really expressing ourselves honestly. Even a confident guy can have issues.
Relationship Communication: How to Talk So That Your Partner Will Listen | HuffPost Life
We worry that women will go away. That is why when you seem happy and content, we focus on other aspects of our lives, but when you seem unhappy, we give you much more focus. We don't want to lose you. Just because a guy acts tough on the outside doesn't mean he isn't worried about a ton of stuff on the inside. But when you consider that we have issues with communication and honesty, it makes sense that we might hide out insecurity as well.