How to deal with new relationship energy

New Relationship Energy

how to deal with new relationship energy

No relationship remains in the cocaine-rush phase forever as a rule. To make the argument, in my new book, that new love is like smoking crack cocaine. New relationship energy (or NRE) refers to a state of mind experienced at the beginning of Describing the process in a positive way can help old partners deal with feelings of jealousy towards the new partner, as well as helping the person. High on NRE, or New Relationship Energy, you feel like everything is to be dealt with individually, though your partner can help with support.

A lot, it turns out. On average, it lasts around six months, but it can last anywhere from a couple months up to a couple of years, depending on the people involved, the type of relationship, and how often they see each other.

The problem arises when some very common mistakes are made that can end up costing you the new relationship, or more.

We've All Been There: Common NRE Mistakes - Polyamory (For Us)

Most people got through this stage in their first relationship in their teens, but seem to go through it again when they start practicing polyamory. You have yet to meet the real person, including their flaws and scars.

It seems like a great idea, especially if money is tight and you can justify it with that. You can be great partners for each other, but could make terrible roommates.

New relationship energy

Generally, my rule of thumb is to not make any big decisions for the first six months of a relationship. This especially includes financial and material commitments that entangle you together in a way that could make you feel obligated.

how to deal with new relationship energy

Making It All About the Sex Conversely, some people go in the opposite direction and make it all about the sex. Take all aspects of the relationship into consideration, not just sexual chemistry. This can lead to a breakup, especially among those who conflate love and infatuation or crave the intensity that NRE engenders. For others, the change is less dramatic, and the transition from infatuation or what psychologists call limerence to enduring love feels natural or even seamless.

The end of infatuation is the first major turning point in any partnership.

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The next turning point in many relationships takes place when people move in together or get married. As Esther Perel observed in Mating in Captivity, there is a tension between the domestic and the erotic.

how to deal with new relationship energy

It would be foolhardy to pretend that this tension is not real. The person you are dating is a lot more mysterious than the person with whom you wake up every morning, whose odors, illnesses, and changes in mood become a part of your everyday existence.

How to bring new relationship energy back

Some may think this is a pessimistic view of love and long-term relationships, but we prefer to see it as a realistic and empowering one. Recognizing these biological facts makes it possible to act in ways that will strengthen your bond and keep your erotic connection vibrant as you transition from infatuated to enduring love or from dating each other to being a couple.

As time goes on, you may have to become more active in choosing to remain sexually engaged.

New relationship energy - Wikipedia

Excerpted from Partners in Passion: Michaels received a J. NRE can probably be thought of as more an observed state.

how to deal with new relationship energy

Your poly friends would observe your behaviors and contribute them to your being in NRE. Now, NRE presents some troublesome issues in poly. Firstly, in this emotional and mental state, you're probably not going to make the best decisions.

All of this stuff has long-term ramifications, and you and your blissed-out-butt aren't exactly seeing "long-term ramifications". Hey, I'm guilty on this one: They still love you. I think most poly partners can recognize when one of their partners are in NRE and make suitable allowances, but it can go south very quickly. You can quickly find yourself down a rabbit hole ignoring other partners which can lead to all kinds of bad. At this level, allowances and patience are thrown out the window and your pre-existing partners would insist you've "got your head up your ass".

At that point it's time to wake up and start making changes.

how to deal with new relationship energy