Dealing with a Breakup or Divorce: Grieving and Moving on After a Relationship Ends
Breakups are not only hard, the loss of a relationship can often be just as To deal with the loss and the hurt your mind begins to try to make sense of years after the ending of a significant long-term relationship in my life. No matter how many sad songs you hear, it's impossible to prepare for a breakup —especially one that ends a long, serious relationship. Recovering from a long-term relationship can be so challenging and I spent way too much time being depressed over the breakup that year.
If you feel the urge to isolate yourself with a pint of ice cream and a playlist of sad songs, call a trusted friend instead. Better yet, leave your house and drop by for a visit.
Step 3 Rediscover your interests. Perhaps you wanted to learn to cook but your partner was a fan of eating out. Maybe you've always wanted to take up a sport but never had time when you were together.
Building new skills can boost your confidence and remind you that you can build an interesting life without being part of a couple. Step 4 Distract yourself with music or movies. Go to a concert and dance to a band you love.
Go see a film by yourself. Listen to music or see movies your ex didn't like. Step 5 Get a makeover. A new hairstyle, new wardrobe and new workout regimen will make you feel attractive again. Don't forget to make over your home while you're at it -- get new bedding, rearrange the furniture and throw out anything that reminds you of your ex. Step 6 Seek professional help if your depression becomes chronic.
A therapist can provide an impartial ear and, hopefully, the perspective you need. If you feel the urge to self-harm, go to your nearest emergency room right away. No relationship is worth your health or your life. We played video games, watched movies and TV, talked, and even went on a road trip. The point is, my friend was there for me and I can even say that the relationship I have with said friend has improved because of it.
A study by Grace Larson of Northwestern University found that talking through how you feel now that you're no longer in a relationship and revisiting key points of the breakup, such as when you thought it was going south and how it affected your view on romance, can help you regain your own identity and sense of self now that you're no longer in a couple.
While talking it through, it may be helpful to consider your own story from a third-person perspective. In other words, put yourself in your friend's or someone else's shoes and describe it from their viewpoint.
Research shows that this kind of distancing helps you reflect and gain insight from what you've experienced without falling into feeling sorry for yourself. Do Something This step ties into the second one.
Make sure you find something to do.
How to Get Over a Long-Term Relationship in 8 Steps | PairedLife
Let me clarify that this step is mostly for the times when you are alone. What I did was watch movies, play lots of video games, listen to my MP3 player, and read a bunch of books. I would leave my house always a good ideatake my laptop, headphones, and Kindle, and chill at Barnes and Noble for the entire day. During the duration of my mourning period I occupied my time by occupying my mind. So, do anything as long as you're not just sitting in your room browsing the Internet.
What you do doesn't have to be something big, either. In fact, research indicates that even just doing something with the intention of it helping you could be effective.
Journaling intentionally is one example of something small that can be really helpful.
Where it differs though, is in what you are doing. Step three gets your mind off of your ex, but it allows you to do unproductive things for the sake of healing. I also took up the hobby of paper crafting. So do something productive like writing, learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, or taking up a hobby. This is a crucial step of rebuilding your identity — one that doesn't include your ex.
It's been shown that people who strongly identified themselves with their partners had a harder time getting over the relationship, so the more you can build a new you or rediscover old hobbies, or even rediscover what it's like to do your old hobbies as a single person, the closer you'll get to being happy without your ex.
Work Out Exercising is good for your body as well as your mind. It has been proven to make you more focused and energized. Having focus and energy will help motivate you to do things like those listed in step four.
Go on Vacation This step may not be possible for some of you. For those who can spare the cash, take a mini-vacation. During my recovery, I went on a road trip with my dad and friend — just us three guys. We traveled west from North Texas towards California. Along the way we stopped at the Grand Canyon, went on the Sandia Peak tram in New Mexico, rode the thrill rides on top of The Stratosphere in Las Vegas, and then went to Disneyland and hung out with my aunt, uncle, and mom she met us there in California.
Even my vacation was a bit much, and may be unrealistic for the majority of people reading this. So maybe just head to another city? Sometimes you need to shake loose and enjoy life. And if you're having impulses to do something crazy — like dye your hair, get a tattoo, quit your job, and move to New Zealand — you're better off waiting to do those things until you're a little more stable and in control.
Handling a Break-Up After a Long-Term Relationship
A vacation could be a good way to feel a little impulsive without being totally out of control. You can try on a new identity later on down the line.
Take a Break Slightly different from going on vacation, this step encourages you to take a break from dating. A common mistake people make after being dumped is to date someone immediately after.
Instead, take a break to reflect on yourself. Spend time working on bettering your life through your hobbies, your schooling, your career, or whatever else. Stay away from dating because there are too many things that can go wrong with that. You could annoyingly bring up your ex to your new partner, causing them to question your sanity and attraction to them.
So just take a break. Researchers who've looked at the brains of the lovelorn say that loss, especially rejection by a romantic partner, lights up areas of the brain that are associated with addiction.
This can lead to psychological reactions that cause obsessive preoccupation with your partner, feelings of frenzied desperation, guilt over what you could have done differently and even physical pain.
Letting go for good seems unimaginable. Trust me, as both a relationship therapist and a veteran of countless breakups myself, I've seen it all and I get it. What I've discovered along the way is that you need a holistic approach to getting over a breakup, one that addresses the four core areas: The following are highly effective strategies from the healing section my book using each of those four core areas to get you on the road to recovery from that breakup -- fast. Avoid overusing drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and coffee and resist the urge to stuff down your feelings using chocolate and food.
You'll only end up feeling worse about yourself. In times of stress, having a drink or eating a quart of ice cream may be tempting, but doing so will only cause you to spiral down into a depression, lose sleep and gain weight. Instead, take five minutes to sit quietly, meditate, practice yoga or deep breathing. Eat healthfully and regularly. Your body can't function properly without the proper nutrition. Don't skip meals or resort to convenience food.
Treat yourself as if you were your own child -- eat wholesome meals that are balanced and freshly made.
How to Cope After a Long-Term Relationship Has Ended
Get plenty of sleep. There's nothing more replenishing to your body than quality sleep. If you are having trouble going to sleep because of punishing, pain-producing thoughts, try this: Keep a journal by your bed, write down your anxieties and imagine them flowing out of you and onto the paper. Say, "I fully release you and let you go. I give myself permission to peacefully sleep. Exercise your blues away.