relationship why the hell did it end that way? - breakup | Ask MetaFilter
I am having trouble being objective about relationship readings these days ( which is always hard of course) but December 3rd, , PM #3 . This is something you say to someone on the first date not a month later. Understand what the disadvantages are to diving into a relationship too soon. End up spending too much time with the one you're dating, and excluding your. Reasons for breakups, loss of interest, ending a relationship, rejection, Advice. your relationship has been going on for three weeks or three months. . chemistry without compatibility, combined with too fast, too soon.
At least there are a few things to be learned from these painfully short-lived experiences. In the beginning stages of a new relationship people always want to make a good impression.
I am just me. I have my flaws, and while I try to hold back the sarcasm until I gage how much a person can take, these flaws usually still show through.
The walls people build to protect themselves is another infamous tactic when entering new relationships. This becomes even more difficult when you walk into a relationship knowing your time together is limited. Is it worth getting to know them when you can already see goodbye on the horizon?
Some people have a mental checklist of what they look for in someone to start a relationship with.
5 Things You Learn When A Relationship Ends Before It Really Starts | Thought Catalog
A challenging part of building a relationship with someone new is that they are exactly that, new. Maybe in a well-formed relationship this would be an agree-to-disagree moment, but in the beginning stages, something unimportant to you could be a deal breaker for the other person. Sometimes it just takes one strike to be out. Other people view you differently than you view yourself.
This has both positives and negatives. If nothing else, he might be more forthcoming then as to why he broke up, but if he's still adamant then leave it and him alone. Ignore what your friends think, but you might be able to glean information from one of his friends. Very little, very often.
...life can be translucent
Move on, you've got some momentum that would most likely be lost by dwelling too much on him. You have nothing to feel stupid about. It sucks, and it feels completely unfair.
From personal experience, I've tried to "let feelings develop slowly" when they weren't mind-blowing in the first place, and I've always regretted it, wishing I had had the decency to break up with the guy when I first realized there was a problem. Trust me, it would have been much more agonizing for both of you in the long run if he just let his feelings of doubt and tension slowly strangle the relationship for a year or more. It sounds like you were a great girlfriend, but being a good partner doesn't mean that you're necessarily the right partner for the person in question.
It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or the way you approach relationships. You'll meet guys in the future who will think that everything about you is nothing short of perfect. I really hope you feel better soon. Yes, it really does, or we would all be married to the first person we ever went on a date with. I wouldn't dwell too much on this one.
9 Reasons Girls Break Up Within 3 Months of Starting a New Relationship
Sometimes things just don't work out, and while analyzing it might make you feel better, I prefer to just let the mystery live. Because it's either that, or bitterness- once you start pegging the people who don't want to be with you as having "issues", it's all downhill from there.
You will drive yourself crazy if you think about this too much, and what's funny is that it's not going to matter at all in your relationship with the next guy, because he'll be a completely different person. I would ignore any advice in this thread that suggests that you may have done X, Y, or Z to make this guy leave, because it's probably wrong and even if it's right, so what?
Changing your actions next time in an attempt to try to prevent what happened last time will do no good- you'll break up with the next guy for completely different reasons. Continue to date guys you are interested in; limit your actions to those that you can feel proud of no matter what happens. This is real life, and as somebody or other has noted, the difference between reality and fiction is that fiction has to make sense.
Much of the time it's just simple chemistry. The kinds of stuff you can't tell about a person until you're a few weeks in.
If it bugs you, confront him about it. Maybe he'll be honest. Maybe it's something you can fix. But don't worry about it - you're young, there'll be a lot more coming along that will be "fireworks all the time.
The same traits that caused one person to leave might draw another person in. Don't conform to the standards set by a man who just dumped you. All you can do is continue to be honest and open and find someone who is the same. Some people click together, some don't. You'll have more success in relationships if you're confident in who you are and what you want. When it doesn't work, there's usually not a good reason. Just dust yourself off, take some time to hang out with your friends and recover, and then dive back in the game.
Be happy and grateful for the three months that you got to spend with this particular person, and look forward to meeting new, equally interesting guys with whom you will get to experience part of your life. He didn't like you as much as you liked him. I'd guess that the more he got to know you, the more he understood that you weren't for him. Everyone's been there, more or less. I am certain, however, that there is somebody out there who will like you at somewhere close to above or below the level you like him.
That's where it goes long term. The lesson to learn is that sometimes we like others more than they like us.
Relationship Ended Prematurely?
If you don't feel it, chances are, you're not going to. I say be glad he didn't string you along and move on. Don't go back and ask the dude questions. This seems stalker-ish and B. Who says it was your fault anyway? Move on to the next! Things like this generally aren't rational or preventable. It isn't their fault, I can't even really tell you why, but what ever it is, it wasn't there and it never is going to be.
Feelings and love are not rational or logical, by and large.
So don't pick yourself and your actions apart, just move on and find someone else that you do click with. If it's something minor but important to him, then maybe it's worth finding out. I've been on both sides of situations where this was true and it helped to be honest. Don't change for someone, but there's no harm in seeing a situation clearly, even if just in hindsight.
- More From Thought Catalog
- Meeting someone who suddenly makes you feel alive and loved is very exciting.
- The Best Dating Relationships Develop out of Great Friendships
You two clicked, there were the wonderful new-relationship fireworks, and then when those faded into everyday life, he realized that the relationship wasn't for him. He gave it a week to think about it which seems an appropriate amount of time for a three month relationship and then he ended it. And yeah, it hurts. But all of this is perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with you or him, and nothing to be gained in calling him up.
He probably can't articulate why it wasn't working for him. At some point in the future, you will be the dumper instead of the dumpee, and you will probably leave behind you a disappointed and mystified ex. And then you will know exactly how your ex is feeling right now.