David and nabal relationship counseling

David and Abigail | pdl-inc.info

david and nabal relationship counseling

She intercedes between David's wrath and undeserving Nabal. In a counseling situation with a couple, these questions should be asked. However, Nabal refuses and in response David organizes of his men to come . David both protection as well as fatherly advice when David called upon him. .. “How we receive reproof and counsel is a test of our relationship to the Lord. What lessons does a wife learn after twenty years of marriage? Upon hearing this, David set out to slaughter Nabal's entire household. A servant . When I asked to see a counselor neither of us knew, he would go, but if the.

David simply came to claim a share of the profits and to celebrate with the others a good and profitable day. There are many servants nowadays who break away each one from his master. And about four hundred men went with David, and two hundred stayed with the supplies. Note the insult in Nabal's response to David's request: He doesn't plead poverty or inconvenience.

He knows who David is son of Jesse and his position, but he refuses to acknowledge David's anointing by God. He says that David is nothing more than a runaway slave, not the future king of Israel. Nabal even dismisses David's efforts to help him and refuses to give him any food or reward. David's men return and tell David of this insult. David straps on his sword and prepares horsemen to go and destroy Nabal and his entire household.

Note here that there is cause for David to be angry, but killing everyone in Nabal's house is not justified. Nabal is a fool, but being a fool is not a capital offense. In doing this thing David's work in helping and protecting the people does turn into extortion. In effect, he is saying, "If you don't pay me, I'll kill you.

For he is such a scoundrel that one cannot speak to him. And he has repaid me evil for good. The writer explains that David's request was just, and Nabal's response quite rude and ungrateful. So Abigail sends a large provision of food which Nabal should have done and prepares to go to David to plead their case in person.

david and nabal relationship counseling

Note also how "self-righteous" David feels verse Abigail greets him with great respect, respect reserved for a king. And please let your maidservant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your maidservant.

For as his name is, so is he: Nabal is his name, and folly is with him! But I, your maidservant, did not see the young men of my lord whom you sent. By taking responsibility, she makes David deal with her now.

This was not manipulative on her part, some of the blame did lie with her: She could have made the gift in advance, she had the power to do so. She either was not informed of David's work or had overlooked the payment. Either way, she is here now, takes the blame now, makes things right now, and is ready for the consequences now. Abigail shows both her submissiveness and her intelligence as she puts the issue into perspective for David. She appeals to him, not to take his own revenge.

This would be wrong. What her husband did was wrong, she admits it, but taking revenge would make two wrongs. She says, in effect, Nabal is so evil he's not worth it.

Allow the gift I have brought to cover the offense. For the Lord will certainly make for my lord an enduring house, because my lord fights the battles of the Lord, and evil is not found in you throughout your days. Unlike her husband, she recognizes his anointing as king and praises his future rule. She also acknowledges her loyalty and belief in him, unlike her husband who followed Saul and his rule. Note also her use of the imagery of a sling-shot in dealing with his enemies, something David would recognize and appreciate giant-killer.

That's really what this was all about: But when the Lord has dealt well with my lord, then remember your maidservant. She points out that when he does ascend to the throne, it shouldn't be with innocent blood on his hands.

She also asks him to remember her when all of this comes about. See, I have heeded your voice and respected your person. Don't marry that person. Don't invest in that stock. Don't by that car. The relief and joy you feel when the advice turns out to be true.

Abigail: Wise and Determined - Topical Studies

This is how David feels and reacts when he realizes that he could have wrecked his entire future with one rash act provoked by a fool. David acknowledges that she is sent by God.

He is amazed, delighted, relieved and merciful. She waited for the next morning to tell him of his folly and her rescue. As is usually the case, instead of taking responsibility for his deadly error, he withdrew inside of himself, and became "as a stone.

The codependent's enabling eventually leads to the mates continuing dysfunction and many times death, especially when an addiction is involved. Because Nabal had been protected from the consequences of his actions by Abigail and others, he was never forced by those consequences to change his life.

The codependent many times actually believes that she is doing the right thing, but in fact is only selfishly protecting herself.

david and nabal relationship counseling

Henslin, in Out of the Wilderness, suggests that Nabal died of an alcoholic seizure, stroke, or heart attack related to his alcoholism. The problems of codependency do not go away just because she remarries. Most codependents believe that if they could just get out of the current situation or marriage, then things would be better.

Abigail was still codependently people-pleasing when summoned by David to be his wife. She states, "Behold, [let] thine handmaid [be] a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord. Five stands for the weakness of every human being.

david and nabal relationship counseling

David also had some of these tendencies, as is clearly seen in the later part of his life. As I have stated before, codependents usually marry another codependent.

And David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife.

Biblical Answers for Rescuers and the Codependent Dependent Rescuer

Although it is only the first step, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and His church is one of the most important steps to recovery. Again, I believe that David, in this story, stands for the church. The answer to codependency is a personal relationship with Christ, since He alone can heal the deep hurts within and provide the infinite supply of unconditional love needed by the codependent.

Just because a codependent is saved and joins a church does not necessarily alleviate all the codependent's problems. Salvation is the process of complete wholeness, but it helps only to the degree the codependent yields her flesh to the lordship of Jesus Christ.

Abigail, due to David's error of trying to escape from Saul by joining the Philistines, was captured by the Amalekites the flesh. Because the church many times has had almost no understanding of codependency; it has mishandled its relationship with many codependents, and, as a result, many of them have been overcome again by the flesh.

Many codependents end up feeling rejected by the church and continue to have issues with church leaders and members. Each time the codependent relapses and is again controlled by the flesh, the church is to do what it can to help. David strengthened himself again in the Lord, and rescued his wives and children from the Amalikites the flesh. Codependent support groups in the church provide one of the best ways to assist the codependent through unconditional love, acceptance, and support.

Care must be taken for the church in doing this, just as David cared first for the men who were too weary to continue. The codependent must eventually turn all judgment over to God, instead of judging themselves or allowing other people to judge them.

Codependents are devastated emotionally by their own judgments of themselves and their perceptions of the judgments of others. They need to learn to accept God's judgment of them; that they are very good and that there is nothing they can do to change that, good or bad.

David and Abigail's son was named Daniel which means "God is my judge.

Are You an Abigail or a Nabal?

The codependent must deal with her own codependency or their children will also become codependent. What we are is passed on to the next generation. Possibly Chileab was too codependent, or maybe Bathsheba convinced David to choose Solomon, and Abigail did not protest.

We do not even have an indication that Abigail protested about David's adultery. Maybe, like many codependents, she felt too unworthy to be treated with respect; or she had so many boundary violations in her marriage with Nabal that she did not know how to assertively stand for her rights.

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Recovery from codependency is a process that usually takes a significant period of time. One secular counselor has estimated that it takes a period of five to six years. With God's help and answers, we usually expect therapy to last at least six months and that the client should remain in a support group for one to two years. After helping the client understand what codependency is and identifying her particular type of codependency, I always encourage them to start attending church and support group meetings immediately.

Learning from others who are recovering or have recovered from codependency builds hope that recovery is possible, and provides the relationships and a source of unconditional love to assist in the recovery process. I believe it is more appropriate for the codependent dependent rescuer while Love is a Choice Hemfelt, Minirth, and Meier, is more appropriate for the codependent dependent passive.

I conduct Marriage and Family Therapy for couples, and some time during the recovery process, I assign the book Boundaries Cloud and Townsend, and its associated workbook This helps the client develop healthy personal boundaries useful in correcting current relationships and developing new healthy ones.

Steps for Overcoming Codependent Dependent Rescuing 1. The root of the problem is over-dependence on people instead of God to meet personal needs. The codependent is desperately seeking love and approval because of a low self-image and will control, manipulate, rescue others, or allow the violation of personal boundaries in order to get her needs met.

We will see at the end of this chapter that after Nabal dies suddenly that David takes Abigail to be his wife.

david and nabal relationship counseling

But, I believe that the thing that attracted David to her was not that she had a pretty face or figure but rather the fact that the Lord had used her in his life in a great way to restrain him. Therefore, he knew that he needed Abigail in his life because of her ability to give him wise counsel. Abigail was wise and knew that David would not take her life. Abigail tells David not to pay attention to Nabal, and not to waiste his time on Nabal, for just as his name reveals, Nabal is just a fool.

David had more important things to do than to pay attention to some fool like Nabal. The Lord may have been speaking to David in ways that Abigail knew not as she spoke. Up until this point in time David had been squeaky clean in his obedience to the Lord and thus Abigail is appealing to him here to remember that the reason why the Lord is establishing him as king is because of his living his life for God and apart from sin.

Are You an Abigail or a Nabal? - Dena Johnson Martin Christian Blog

There are a couple of implications from this statement: The Lord would protect and take care of David, for David was His bundle. For us as Christians, we ought to always keep foremost in our minds that Jesus is to be our life, just as Paul wrote in Gal. Abigail tells David that when he is made king that the Lord will sling out his enemies before him. David probably hung his head in shame at this point as he thought about the fact that once as a mere lad that using a sling the Lord had gotten vengeance upon his enemy Goliath, the Philistine giant.

david and nabal relationship counseling

Now, here was David coming with men to slaughter an unsuspecting man with an inferior and grossly outnumbered force. Abigail tells David that he should not do this against Nabal so that when David is finally made king that he will not have cause for grief or a troubled heart because of his having shed blood without cause and by having avenged himself.

Abigail asks David just one request for herself: When the Lord has made him to be king that he would remember her. Was she hinting at a possible marriage to David after Nabal had passed away? Was she just a woman who hoped to have favor with the king when he finally took his throne? Abigail was yoked to Nabal: She was barren to Nabal see Rom. It was tidings of impending doom which caused her to seek David v She took her place in the dust before him v She became the bride of David in the same way that a saint becomes the bride of Christ.

See, I have listened to you and granted your request. David now realized how foolish and evil it would have been for him to take his own personal revenge out upon wicked Nabal. David tells Abigail that had she not come to him that he surely would have carried out this deed and killed all of the men with Nabal. David takes the gift of Abigail and tells her to go to her house in peace for he has listened to her petition to him and granted her request.

Like so many people who do not fear God today, Nabal loved to party hardy and drink himself to drunken stupor.